By Nikki Kontz, Teen Lifeline Clinical Director
Nearly one in five children aged 12 to 18 reports being bullied during school, according to the National Center for Education Statistics.
What can you, as a parent, do to prevent bullying in your own children’s lives, either as the bullied child or as the bully? Read on for the basics you need to know about bullying, its impact and how to prevent it.
Defining Bullying
Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior that is repeated over time. The National Center for Education Statistics reports 22% of kids who have been bullied were bullied online or by text message, 13% have been the subject of rumors, 12% say they’ve been made fun of, called names or insulted, and 5% report being pushed, shoved, tripped or spit on. Bullying can also include teasing, making threatening comments, excluding someone, humiliating someone, hurtful pranks or defacing or stealing someone’s property.
The Consequences for Victims
Kids who are bullied are more likely to experience feelings of depression, anxiety and loneliness, complain of health issues and miss school, which results in lower academic achievement.
The Hidden Toll on Bullies
Children who act as bullies don’t fare any better. Research shows kids who bully others are more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs later in life, get into fights, vandalize property, engage in early sexual activity and get in trouble with the law. Both the bully and the bullied experience increased risk of suicidal ideation or behavior, according to research published by the American Academy of Pediatrics
Getting to the Root Cause
Children or teens may bully because they don’t know how to handle conflict. Most bullies are seeking attention, want to regain perceived power, or have been bullied themselves and are imitating behavior they have seen in older siblings, peers or adults.
According to the National Association of School Psychologists, bullying is a learned behavior, which means it can be unlearned and replaced with more positive habits.
Conflict Resolution
Children with strong communication and conflict resolution skills are less likely to be involved in bullying – both as a bully or the child being bullied. Teaching and reinforcing these skills early can help your child more easily navigate the relationships and inevitable conflicts that happen at school.
- Think before you act. When conflict arises, teach your child or teen to slow down, take a breath and calm their emotions before reacting.
- Identify the source of the conflict. Sometimes it’s easy for kids to identify why they are upset. Other times, it may take a little digging. Figuring out the true source of an emotion or of feeling conflict is important in being able to resolve it.
- Brainstorm solutions. Help your child learn to identify and think through ways to resolve problems or conflicts. Brainstorm ideas together and then encourage your child to pick the strategy they will use for resolving a conflict. Be sure to check in to see if the solution is working. It may be necessary to try several different solutions before finding one that works.
- Practice, practice, practice. It can be helpful for kids to role-play tricky conversations in advance with an adult. Work with your children to practice verbalizing how they feel, seeking help from an adult or using humor to diffuse tense situations.
Peer counselors at Teen Lifeline are trained to listen and help all teens (and pre-teens), including those dealing with bullying. For 24/7/365 help that is free and confidential, call (602) 248-8336. For more information, visit TeenLifeline.org.
Nikki Kontz is the clinical director of Teen Lifeline, a Phoenix-based, nonprofit dedicated to preventing teen suicide in Arizona. Contact her at 602-248-8337.
Other articles regarding bullying in Arizona Parenting Magazine: