Byline: Nikki Kontz, Teen Lifeline Clinical Director
This holiday season, presence – not presents – could be one of the best ways to connect with your child.
Strong, positive relationships and a sense of connectedness with friends, family and even the community are some of the most significant factors in creating a sense of hope among teens. The holiday season can provide an important opportunity for parents to connect with their kids and help them develop meaningful, positive relationships with other trusted adults.
Feeling connected to others is a protective factor against suicidal thoughts and behaviors, according to studies conducted by the Centers for Disease Control. Research also suggests that connection helps reduce risky behaviors, like substance use and sexual activity, increases self-esteem, improves school performance and even boosts a teen’s emotional and physical health.
It can be easy to feel stressed about making the holidays perfect for your children, leading some parents to isolate themselves by focusing more on their to-do lists than on the people around them. But amid the hustle and bustle of holiday preparations, it’s important to remember that it’s connections — not just the gifts and festivities — that will have the most lasting impact on your children.
Try the following three tips to foster increased connection with your children and teens this holiday season and year-round:
- Check in. Each December, Teen Lifeline peer volunteers work the crisis hotline report an increase in calls from teens worried about school and finals. Be sure to check in with your teenagers regularly. Ask how they feel about school. Talk to them about their interests, their worries and their friends.
Checking in is most effective when you ask open-ended questions that start a conversation rather than questions that require only one-word answers.
- Be Present. Being in the same room with your child isn’t enough. Show your family members you are listening by putting down electronics or interrupting other tasks to focus on what they are saying.
Tweens and teens, especially boys, are often more likely to talk with you and open up when they don’t have to make direct eye contact. Going for a walk, driving in the car, wrapping presents or doing dishes together can be good opportunities for connection that are more comfortable for kids.
- Encourage Connection with Others. Help your children and teens identify safe adults they can talk to when they face problems or stressors they don’t want to discuss with mom or dad. A family member, close family friend, teacher, coach or member of the clergy may all serve as a helpful sounding board for a teen. The holidays, when friends and extended family come together to celebrate, can be a great time to support and encourage these relationships.
Teens, or pre-teens, struggling with loneliness, depression or thoughts of suicide can call Teen Lifeline 24/7/365 at (602) 248-TEEN (8336) or (800) 248-TEEN for free and confidential help. They can also text the hotline at (602) 248-8336 between the hours of noon and 9 p.m. on weekdays and 3 p.m. and 9 p.m. on weekends.
Nikki Kontz is the clinical director of Teen Lifeline, a Phoenix-based, nonprofit dedicated to preventing teen suicide in Arizona. Contact her at 602-248-8337.
More Articles by Nikke Kontz:
The Gift of Cultivating Gratitude
Start The Tough Conversations Young: Talking About Suicide Can Save Children’s Lives