Teen Lifeline
Arizona Parenting Magazine
May 2025 Article
FINAL – April 11, 2025
Target Word Count: 500-600 words
Current Word Count: 609 words
Byline: Nikki Kontz, Teen Lifeline Clinical Director
“I can do hard things.”
“I am worthy of friends.”
“I love myself exactly as I am.”
These aren’t just feel-good phrases – they could be powerful tools for helping children and teens build self-esteem.
What is self-esteem and why does it matter?
Self-esteem is a feeling of self-acceptance, self-assurance and self-respect. It is not feeling superior, entitled or egocentric.
A recent review of hundreds of longitudinal studies by researchers at UC Davis confirms that teens with high self-esteem have more success at school and work, better social relationships and improved mental and physical health. Importantly, these benefits last long after high school graduation, into adulthood and even through old age.
Try these three simple strategies to increase self-esteem.
With small, consistent efforts each day, parents can help their children develop the confidence and self-respect they need to thrive.
- Challenge your child to find affirmations they can repeat daily. Affirmations are short, positive statements teens say to themselves to help re-shape how they think and behave. Because our brains believe what they hear most frequently, and what we believe about ourselves often determines how we act, affirmations can be a good way to create real behavioral change.
Examples of meaningful affirmations could include:
- “I am talented and kind.”
- “I can talk to new people.”
- “I am worthy of respect.”
- “I am brave enough to try something new.”
Affirmations are most effective when they are spoken aloud at least once each day, but repeating them more frequently is better. You can help your teen build this habit by encouraging them to pair it with a daily task, like brushing teeth or getting ready for bed. Some teens like to write their affirmations on an index card or small piece of paper and tape it to a mirror or someplace where they will see it every day.
Teens can also use affirmations to counter specific negative thoughts they may be struggling with. For example, if they catch themselves regularly thinking, “No one wants to talk to me,” they can tell themselves, “I’m worthy of talking to.” Over time, these new messages can drown out negative self-talk and become their predominant thoughts.
- Praise your teen’s effort, not just the outcome. Self-esteem doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from being encouraged, supported and reminded that effort matters more than results. Let your teen know you’re proud of them for trying their best, even if things don’t go perfectly. Statements like “I’m proud of how hard you worked” or “I saw how much courage that took” build resilience and internal motivation.
Your words matter more than you realize. Teens who hear consistent messages of love and encouragement are more likely to believe in themselves and keep going, even when facing challenges.
- Encourage connection with other teens. Not every teen finds their people in middle or high school, and that can feel incredibly lonely. Let your child know they’re not alone, and that friendships can be built in lots of ways and at different stages of life.
Encourage your teen to become involved in clubs, hobbies or community activities both in and out of school where they can meet peers who share similar interests. These spaces often feel safer and more welcoming, especially for teens who may struggle socially in a classroom setting.
Remember, building confidence takes time.
Self-esteem isn’t built overnight, but with consistent affirmations, positive reinforcement and safe relationships, your teen can learn to see, and accept, their own worth – while thriving, even during difficult seasons of life.
Nikki Kontz is the clinical director of Teen Lifeline, a Phoenix-based, nonprofit dedicated to preventing teen suicide in Arizona. Contact her at 602-248-8337.
More by this writer:
Give the Gift of Presence This Holiday Season
The Gift of Cultivating Gratitude
Start The Tough Conversations Young: Talking About Suicide Can Save Children’s Lives