Preventing Dating Dangers
By Nikki Kontz, Chief Clinical Officer at Teen Lifeline
Teens grow up watching, listening and learning what love looks like at home, in movies and in reality shows, but without guidance, it can be easy to mistake being controlled for someone’s care.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that nearly 1 in 5 high school girls and 1 in 10 high school boys who dated have experienced some form of dating violence during the past year.
These early dating experiences can shape how adolescents approach relationships for years to come. Research from Cornell University shows that teens who experience dating violence are more likely to struggle with depression, heavy drinking and thoughts of suicide.
While many parents have talked to their kids about sex, far fewer have talked about what a healthy dating relationship looks like. Yet, relationship issues are one of the most common reasons teens call the Teen Lifeline crisis hotline.
One way to start these conversations is to help teens recognize the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviors, especially the subtle forms of control that are often mistaken for affection.
Recognize Controlling Behaviors Disguised as “Love”
Some of the most common unhealthy patterns Teen Lifeline sees in hotline calls and among peer volunteers include:
- Monitoring disguised as closeness. A partner asking someone to stay on FaceTime while they go about their day, so they can be sure the other isn’t with anyone else.
- Password sharing. Giving each other login credentials for social media or email accounts to check up on each other.
- Location tracking. Using location sharing to keep tabs on where someone is.
Teens may see these behaviors as signs of caring or closeness, especially because location and password sharing can be common among committed adults. But at such a young age, these are actually forms of control. Help your child understand that in a healthy relationship, partners trust each other and respect privacy.
Model and Talk About Boundaries
The best way to prevent unhealthy relationships is to start conversations early, and to keep having them as your child grows. These talks don’t have to be formal or awkward. They often work best when they happen naturally during everyday moments.
Media can be a great springboard. When you’re watching a show or movie together, pause to talk about what’s healthy or unhealthy. You might say, “I remember thinking that kind of behavior meant someone loved me, but I later realized it was controlling. What do you think?”
Keep the tone curious. Ask questions, like: “Have you ever seen a friend experience that?” or “How would that make you feel?” This helps your child reflect on their values without feeling defensive.
It can also help to share your own learning curve. Remind your child that their first relationships are practice, and it’s okay to make mistakes. For instance, it’s common to want to spend all their time with a new boyfriend or girlfriend before learning how to balance that time with school, friends and family.
Keep the Door Open
Teaching kids to build respectful, supportive relationships can protect their mental health. Keep the conversations ongoing and judgment-free so they know you’re always there to talk.
If you know a teen who is struggling with relationship problems, depression, anxiety or thoughts of suicide, encourage them to call Teen Lifeline 24/7/365 at (602) 248-TEEN (8336).
Trained teen peer counselors answer calls and texts from 3–9 p.m. daily, and adult crisis counselors take calls at all other times.
Nikki Kontz is the chief clinical officer at Teen Lifeline, a Phoenix-based, nonprofit dedicated to preventing teen suicide in Arizona. Contact her at 602-248-8337.
Published in Arizona Parenting Magazine, October 2025