By Nikki Kontz
Helping Kids Let Go of Negative Thoughts and Feelings
As you get ready to clean out closets and tidy up your home this spring, remember that your mind can also benefit from a periodic refresh. For children and teens, mental clutter such as negative thoughts, lingering self-doubt and fixation on overwhelming emotions can be just as burdensome as physical clutter.
Just like those dust bunnies under your bed, mental clutter tends to pile up unnoticed, shaping how we see ourselves and the world around us. Kids, especially, might dwell on past mistakes, fear future challenges or replay hurtful interactions. When left unchecked, these thoughts can lead to anxiety, sadness or self-esteem issues.
Encouraging children to recognize and release these unhelpful patterns can be the first step toward increasing resilience, confidence and overall well-being.
Test out some of the following strategies for letting go of negative thoughts and feelings to see if they work for your child.
Challenge unhelpful thoughts. Many children are harder on themselves than they would be on others. Help your child recognize when their inner voice is overly critical or unrealistic, by asking, “Would you say this to a friend?” If the answer is no, then it’s time to encourage them to reframe the thought. Teaching kids to be kind to themselves through positive self-talk can help them let go of unnecessary guilt and self-criticism when they recognize their own achievements and celebrate their efforts.
Encourage a thought decluttering routine. Journaling or talking through worries can be a helpful way for kids to unload negative thoughts. Encourage them to write down or draw a picture of what is bothering them, and then physically let go – by tearing up the paper, throwing it away or turning it into something creative, like a painting.
Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques. When kids get stuck in negative thought loops, mindfulness can help bring them back to the present. Simple practices like deep breathing, taking time to notice five things you can see or hear around you, or engaging in an enjoyable activity can interrupt and redirect ruminating thoughts.
Encourage movement. Physical activity is a natural way to relieve stress and refocus your thoughts. A quick walk, dancing to a favorite song or even stretching can help children work through their emotions and feel lighter.
While thoughts and feelings are at the core of mental clutter, other aspects of life can contribute to stress. Encouraging children to evaluate their environment can improve their emotional well-being.
For instance, some friendships can be uplifting, while others can leave kids feeling pressured, bad about themselves or left out. If a friendship consistently causes distress, it may be time to step back. Help your child recognize the signs of healthy versus unhealthy relationships and encourage connections that make them feel good.
Similarly, certain habits can reinforce stress and negativity. If your teen spends too much time doom-scrolling on social media, procrastinating on schoolwork or engaging in self-defeating behaviors, it may be helpful to guide them toward small, manageable changes.
Setting limits on screen time, replacing negative habits with positive activities and encouraging mindfulness can help clear away mental clutter and create a more supportive daily routine – especially when you offer to try out the new habit with your child.
Letting go of poor thought patterns, friendships or habits isn’t always easy. But teaching kids to declutter their mental and emotional space gives them valuable tools for navigating their future with confidence and clarity.
Nikki Kontz is the clinical director of Teen Lifeline, a Phoenix-based, nonprofit dedicated to preventing teen suicide in Arizona. Contact her at 602-248-8337.
More articles by Nikki Kontz:
Give the Gift of Presence This Holiday Season
The Gift of Cultivating Gratitude
Start The Tough Conversations Young: Talking About Suicide Can Save Children’s Lives