Behind Closed Doors: What Teen Dating Violence Can Look Like Today
By Luanne Brookover, Licensed Professional Counselor at Denova Collaborative Health
Healthy relationships help shape how teenagers see themselves and the world around them. During Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, caregivers are encouraged to pause and reflect on how they’re talking to teens – and behaviors they’re modeling – about relationships, boundaries and respect.
Supporting teenagers starts with awareness, honest conversations and the ability to recognize healthy relationship dynamics and when dating turns violent.
Understanding Teen Dating Violence
Teen dating violence refers to the physical, emotional or sexual harm experienced by young people in romantic relationships. While it may be difficult to imagine, dating violence is more common than many families realize and can have lasting effects on a teenager’s mental and emotional well-being. Anxiety, depression and lowered self-esteem are just some of the outcomes.
One of the challenges caregivers face is that teenagers don’t always recognize unhealthy behaviors as abuse. Emotional manipulation, possessiveness or constant monitoring may be mistaken for affection or commitment. These behaviors can feel normalized or even encouraged, making it challenging for teenagers to identify healthy relationships.
Understanding dating violence allows caregivers to have informed, meaningful conversations about what healthy relationships should look and feel like.
Warning Signs and Risk Factors to Watch For
Recognizing warning signs early can help prevent harm and open the door to support.
Emotional abuse often appears first and may show up as constant criticism, controlling behaviors or isolation from friends and family. Teenagers experiencing this may feel anxious, fearful or withdrawn, indicating an unhealthy dynamic. Physical abuse, on the other hand, can involve hitting, slapping or any form of physical harm. While visible injuries are sometimes present, they are not always obvious. Changes in mood, increased secrecy or avoidance can be just as important to notice.
Teenagers who have been exposed to violence before may come to see these behaviors as normal. Low self-esteem, the evolving pressure to “fit in” and fear of losing a relationship can also make it harder for them to set boundaries or ask for help. Strong communication at home and supportive friendships can play a powerful role in reducing that risk.
Technology adds a complicating layer to modern dating and often plays a big part in teenager relationships. Parents should maintain open lines of communication around what digital abuse is. Digital abuse can include excessive texting, monitoring social media or sending threatening messages online. Such behaviors can be just as harmful as physical or emotional abuse, making it crucial for caregivers to be aware of and engaged in open conversations before situations escalate.
Supporting Open Communication and Awareness
Open communication is one of the most effective ways caregivers can support teenagers. Ask open-ended questions about dating, online interactions and friendships, which allows teens to share at their own pace. Listening without rushing to judgment or punishment builds trust and keeps the conversation going. Caregivers can also set the tone by regularly discussing what healthy relationships look like, emphasizing respect, trust, boundaries and mutual support.
When teenagers know they can ask for help and be taken seriously, they are better equipped to recognize red flags when something doesn’t feel right. Ongoing conversations reinforce the message that support is always available and that healthy relationships should never come at the cost of safety or self-worth. When caregivers stay informed and keep conversations open, they help nurture confidence, emotional well-being and personal growth that carry into adulthood.
Luanne Brookover, MC, LPC, CCTP, is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Denova Collaborative Health. Luanne has been in the field of behavioral health for since 1994 working with high risk and high crises populations. Luanne specializes in trauma where she continues to focus on serving patients complex trauma. Luanne is currently in her PhD program where she is pursuing the degree in Doctoral level of counseling and educational direction.