By Yvette Armendariz
Here is something I never thought I’d do: Write a “legacy letter” to my father. Before this spring, I didn’t even know it was even a thing.
The idea of a legacy letter is to tell those you love – your children, parents, siblings, and friends – how you feel about them because you never know when death will take you or those loved ones away. I was introduced to this concept after attending a session on writing this type of letter with a friend. The speaker Blake Brewer – whose mission is to “equip 1 million people to write at least one well written, meaningful, lasting Legacy Letter” – moved me.
I left the session I attended feeling inspired to share my feelings primarily with my dad. Prompts forced me to start putting my thoughts on paper. As I started scribbling on my note pad, I felt an overwhelming mix of emotions – mostly gratitude and love, but also some regrets. At 53, I’m incredibly lucky my dad is still around. I call him a few times a month, but I talk to my mom much more. He’s pointed it out. Ouch.
Now, as my parents get older and face more health challenges, I feel compelled to make sure my dad especially knows just how much he has meant to me. I had a good life. Our family experienced ups and downs, like everyone else. But I’m so proud that my dad supported my dreams – even when they weren’t what he wanted for me. I just was closer to my mom. But it doesn’t take away from how important he is to me.
I try not to worry about what might happen, but getting older pushed me into reflecting about my relationship with dad and the lessons I’ve learned from him. I don’t want him not being clear about my feelings. I had my days of defiance – like all good daughters. But I’m grateful our relationship never broke. Of course there are still some delicate moments, but I’m not letting those memories cloud the good ones. I don’t want him to dwell on disagreements. I want him to know how much he means to me.
Life is fragile, and written words have power. I don’t want to leave unsaid the memories and words of wisdom that matter the most.
A search of legacy letters pulls up a number of resources online to explain what a legacy letter should include and give tips to help you write one.
There are a few different approaches to the letter, but they all seem to encapsulate the words you want your loved ones to hear—the lessons you’ve learned, the values you hold dear, and the hopes you have for their future. Some cornerstones from the articles I’ve read online and the session I attended:
- Express Gratitude
I’m telling my dad how incredibly grateful I am for everything he has done for me – supporting me, providing wisdom when I sought advice, and offering me stock lessons because, I needed to know how to save for the future. I don’t want him to think I took these things for granted.
- Share Specific Memories
One of the most meaningful aspects of a legacy letter is the opportunity to recount cherished memories. I’ve started writing some of these memories so he can know what I valued and why I valued these memories with him.
- Acknowledge Difficult Moments
No relationship is perfect. At times, dad and I argued and/or misunderstood each other. As I look back, I know those difficult moments were simply part of growing together. I won’t dwell on them in my letter, but I’ll apologize for any hurt I caused.
- Impart Wisdom
Well, for my kid’s letters, I’ll definitely do this. I’ll include my wishes for their futures. For my dad’s, I’m telling him what advice he gave me that had the biggest impact throughout my life— this includes doing my best, keeping a good attitude, building resilience, and more.
- Offer Reassurance and Love
I’ve let my dad know he did a great job raising me. I tell him this letter I’ve written is my way of showing him that his legacy will live on in me and my adult children.
I found this experience deeply personal, and not an easy task. As of now, I’m not completely done, but I should finish before the holidays. I’m grateful for having started. I agree with Blake in that we can create a lasting impact on those we love with a letter that will live on long after we’re gone.
Yvette Armendariz is a former award-winning business journalist and a daughter, wife and mother of two young adults who cherishes time and memories made with her family.
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